The Soccer Blog: Things That Wind Joe Cole

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Things That Wind Joe Cole

By: Noel | March 24th, 2011
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. Jogging. Or walking quickly. That’s almost as bad.

. Running, because running is definitely even worse than jogging or walking quickly.

. Doing tricks with a football that Lionel Messi could only dream of. Which is why he only does them in training when he doesn’t have to worry about jogging afterwards.

. Arguing with Milan Jovanovic over who would make a better successor to Liverpool’s last number ten, Andriy Veronin.

. Getting up on the trainer’s table whenever he’s injured. Because lifting yourself that high is difficult when you’re always injured.

. Using his patented crab-walk defense. Though if he can get the trend to catch on it would totally be worth it.

. Thinking about syncing his iPod. Because syncing something sounds like it would be hard, which is what assistants are for anyway.

. Standing up.

. Getting the plastic wrap off his new pack of Benson & Hedges.

. Sitting down again.

. Realizing the lighter is in his pocket after sitting down and struggling to get it out of that upper pocket that’s a real pain in the ass to get stuff out of when you’re sitting down.

. Pretending he’s a robot. Though it does distract him from how thoroughly exhausted everything, including doing the robot, makes him, so sometimes he wonders if he should do it more often. At least until thinking about it tires him out.

. Getting out of his tracksuit when he’d rather just stay on the bench and drink Lucozade.

. Calling for the trainer to open his Lucozade. Though at least that doesn’t tire him as much as opening it himself, and life is all about making tough choices, after all.

. Jogging and running again. Because is he some kind of indentured servant? And there must be some kind of employment law to stop that sort of abuse.

. Cashing the £90k cheque he gets from LFC every week.

Some Related Liverpool Posts:Cole and Hazard and Rafa, Oh MyFebruary! Winning! Substance Abuse!Fake Plastic Chelseas, Raheem Sterling Makes Europa Squad, and Other Wednesday NotesMatch Preview: Liverpool v. Bolton; Hodgson Exit On the Way?Match Preview: Liverpool v. Bolton, 10.31.10

Category: Miscellaneous, Premier League

Tags: Fun And Failure Start The Same Way, I Can't Feel My Face, Joe Cole, Make The Bad Man Stop, Miscellaneous, Potentially Foolish Ideas, Premier League
Tweet « Damien Comolli Talks Suarez, Carroll, and Dalglish | Home | Video: The Suarez Song; and, The Reserves Face Everton »mattjust playing a little football manager. anyone have any guesses as to how joe cole's work rate was listed at 16? looking back on it, i feel like his name has always had more bluster attached to it than any discernible impact. 90 k a week based off reputation. magicalEdJust because everyone keeps mentioning it.NoelI wonder if he can be exiled to Elba?EdEven better if his nickname was "the Little General." Shame that requires having an influence.FalloniusMaximusThank you for this. He's been driving me nuts with the hands on hips/lower back, gasping for air. Wasn't sure if anyone else noticed!NoelJust a note to say I'm glad that some people liked it. And also to let Ed know he's going to have to kill that spam, since WordPress isn't letting me this time around.EdSometimes it just needs improving.NoelDefinitely a much better approach.redtrev73I think the thing that winds joe cole must be back at upton park...y'know the massive key, or whatever, that needs to be inserted and twisted, 'cause that guy just doesn't work...NoelWell played.Jay Wrightlmao that was quality!mattturning his neck to watch the ball go the other way after he loses it in midfieldJoshI have been reading your articles for ages...love them :)KamugishadenisPegging his hands against his back at every opportunity he getsblog comments powered by Disqus

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Thursday, 24 March 2011

Things That Wind Joe Cole

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