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Thursday, 14 April 2011

10 Questions with the Liverpool Offside

By: Martin | April 14th, 2011
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Sorry, Noel, but I will never stop using this for Liverpool Previews

We have a very special treat for you today.

Noel from the Liverpool Offside, who is a great writer and generally gets annoyed at Sairax and I whenever we make a joke at Liverpool’s expense on Twitter, agreed to answer some of my questions and provide some wit and perspective on what has been a very, very interesting season at Liverpool — from a dreadful start and the disastrous reign of Woy Hodgson to the triumphant return of Kenny Dalglish and the emergence of some young players and the purchase of what looks to be a dynamic strike partnership for years to come, it’s been a real roller coaster for the denizens of the Kop this season. Ahead of Sunday’s showdown with Liverpool at the Emirates, Noel was kind enough to answer 10 inane questions from yours truly. Without further ado…

1. Realistically, what’s the best case scenario for where Liverpool can end up this season?

Realistically, sixth and out of Europe thanks to Arsenal losing the League Cup to Birmingham. Optimistically, fifth if they win out and Tottenham manages to lose five points in six games in addition to losing the seventh of their remaining games which is against Liverpool. Batshitinsanery, fourth is still a mathematical possibility, but Liverpool would have to leapfrog first Tottenham and then rely on Manchester City dropping nine points in six games.

2. Dalglish has been fantastic this season, but do Liverpool fans really think he can be the long-term solution at manager?

Certainly. Since his return, and despite all sorts of problems with injuries and a few genuinely disappointing displays, Liverpool’s form under Dalglish would have them neck and neck with Arsenal in second if stretched out over the entire season. And though a recent shift towards an often underwhelming 4-2-2-2 formation has taken some of the early luster off, early deployments of an attacking 4-3-3 and the situationally brilliant use of a three man back line suggest he’s not the tactical dinosaur some morons in the media who wouldn’t know tactics if it shanked them in a prison shower nattered on about when he was first hired.

Really, at this point everybody just assumes he’ll both be here going forward and that he’s the right manager to take the club forward, while those now wringing their hands in mock concern over whether he’ll get the job or not are mostly the same people from before who wouldn’t know tactics if it shanked them in a prison shower.

I wonder what song they were singing?

3. I know it’s only happened this season, but what effect has the new ownership group had?

Most of us are fairly sure Liverpool isn’t going to end the season relegated now. Which is nice.

4. Are you really better off with Carroll and Suarez than Torres?

Honestly, yes. I wouldn’t have dreamt of it a year ago, but given their form over the past eighteen months and how quickly Suarez has taken to the EPL, I’d take him straight up over Torres at the moment. And Carroll’s a nice bonus prospect to get along with him thanks to Abramovich deciding he needed a new Shevchenko.

5. Speaking of those two, how can we stop your new dynamic duo strike partnership?

Simple, really. Overwhelm Liverpool’s midfield, forcing possession back to the central defenders and counting on Jamie Carragher to send aimless hoofs into the sky. Carroll will still win his share of 50-50s, but getting the ball off the pitch and separating them from their midfield support will largely isolate Suarez while rendering the balls Carroll does win mostly meaningless, though you can still never fully guard against a moment of individual brilliance from Suarez.

6. How good is Martin Kelly going to be?

Martin Kelly who? He’s old news, and it’s all about John Flanagan now. Though more seriously, Martin Kelly has it in him to become one of the best ball-playing center backs in the world if can avoid picking up too many injuries. And speaking of which, he’s injured now and won’t be anywhere near the pitch come Sunday, leaving 18-year old John Flanagan the most likely starter at right back. We would appreciate it if Arsenal failed to pick up on that as City just did.

7. Is it too soon to label Joe Cole a bust?

Depending on reports, Liverpool bought Robbie Keane from Spurs in 2008 for between £18-20 million. They then re-sold him for between £17-19 million a little less than six months later. While with the club, he earned £80k per week, or just under two million pounds, for a total loss of somewhere between three and five million pounds on a failed experiment often considered the club’s biggest big money failure in the transfer market.

Joe Cole, on the other hand, arrived on a free, but he earns £90k per week to sit alternately on the bench and the trainer’s table. After thirty four weeks with the club, or some time around the end of February, that will have seen the club lose just over three million pounds on him. By the time he is hopefully sent to West Ham or QPR for a bag of paprika in the summer he will have taken close to five million in wages while doing little in Liverpool bar indulging his reported pack a day habit.

In 26 games, Keane had seven goals, five assists, and 42 shots. Cole has played 15 and managed a single goal and assist along with 18 shots. And I forget what the question was.

8. With Gerrard out, who do we need to watch out for in midfield?
Assuming a three-man central midfield to counter Arsenal, Raul Meireles will arrive late in the box to remind everybody that Fabianski or Lehman isn’t a good goalkeeping conundrum to have. Though it seems just as likely he’ll find himself shifted to a narrow outside left role, which will result in Liverpool fans angrily throwing pens and old socks and small children and the like, but in any case will probably mean less for Arsenal to worry about from Liverpool’s midfield. On the other hand, either way Lucas will mark Fabregas out of the game to the point where Arsenal fans will begin to wonder if they might be better off just taking the money for him from Barcelona.

9. Any chance Pepe Reina just grabs the ball and runs into his own net with it again?

Only if he’s trying to impress Wenger with eyes towards a move to London, since I’m under the impression that that’s the sort of thing an Arsenal keeper is supposed to do.

10. And finally, since anything but a win for us this weekend would basically hand Manchester United their 19th title, wouldn’t the proper thing to do be to just roll over and let us win?

No. As much as I’d prefer Arsenal take the title, you never hope to lose, and to be honest Arsenal dropping six points in the last four matches has hardly filled me with confidence that a Liverpool loss would even do anything to stop the most crushingly average United side in recent memory from taking the title. Which leaves hoping that Liverpool can win out, nick a European spot to make player recruitment easier in the summer, and so improve the odds of knocking them right back off our fucking perch next season.

Many thanks to Noel for agreeing to do this. And if you’re interested, Noel had some questions (only 5 questions, but they were longer and more difficult to understand, so I think it’s an even trade) for me, as well, which you can find over at the Liverpool Offside here.

We’ll be back with a preview of the match either tomorrow or Saturday. Until then.

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Don’t forget to follow the Arsenal Offside on Twitter for the latest news, links, and updates

Some Related Stories:Leeds United – Arsenal (FA Cup) Preview: A Conversation with Leeds OffsideMidseason Review, Part IV: Best of Arsenal OffsideWest Brom – Arsenal PreviewWigan – Arsenal PreviewArsenal – Birmingham Preview

Category: Arsenal News, Fixtures, Liverpool, Premiership

Tags: Arsenal News, Fixtures, Liverpool, Premiership
Tweet « Arsenal Ladies Face Chelsea Ladies In Opening Match of the New FA Women’s Super League | Home | Gigi_manGood article, good thing to have the offside Pool guy answer the questions, I like Liverpool, they dont seem to have that nasty attitude as others (cough Manu cough). And I laughed hard at the Pepe Reina comment, I also cried but then I laughed again hahaha.

Man I really wished we would have signed Suarez. I think Wenger should do as in Rocky and look for the eye of the tiger, this guy has that look in his eyes that he is going to kill the net with the ball no matter what.

Too bad Liverpool wont let us win :P I was kind of hoping for that, because they ve grown a lot since a while, and we only managed a 1-1 when they were "bad". Beware.

I was also checking top scorers from other leagues, interesting ones. I think we will need to enforce a true 9 during the summer (I know, we have a great striker and all, but we cant just do it with one, like Ronaldinho said in a commercial shot a few years ago: I play, do wonderful things, and when players have me all figured out and come to block me in a group of 3...then I pass the ball to another one that can do the magic).GmcgleenonLucas could win you the league boyo if he played for ArsenalEdThat banner picture is my nightmare.ArsenalFaaaaaaanyWhat stupid person saying Lucas will mark fabregas out of the game.nhjyhjkogo fuck yourself u r lucky
kelly and agger is injured or nasri and fabregas would both get raped u fat wanker oh and since dalglish took over we picked up more points than any other team except united for gifting them the title with your shit team i hope arseholes never win anything u cunts and ur user name describes ur team a bunch of faaaaaaaanyies ur gay french manager bums his own people dont worry flanagan and aurelio will rape ur team instead u better pray liverpool dont decide to play suso and sterling u will be mega fucked u got fabregas and nasri well we got next iniesta and barnesEdSorry guys, forgot to sign in with my usual profile here.

Now, where was I?blog comments powered by Disqus

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Tea and Crumpets with The Arsenal Offside

By: Noel | April 14th, 2011
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With a match against the only side near the top of the table I don’t instinctively dislike fast approaching, it seemed a good time to move away from the more formal trappings of our last few pre-match conversations here at The Liverpool Offside. To that end, we recently sat down for a light snack and a bit of banter with Martin of The Arsenal Offside. After enjoying a delightful foie gras and pear compote appetizer, we moved on to ham hock terrine with crispy quail eggs for the main course. It had just begun to dawn on me that these lofty Arsenal sorts might in fact dine rather better than their prawn sandwich eating counterparts over in Chelsea when Martin began to choke on his crispy quail egg. Once that was out of the way, though, we were able to move on to the conversation…

8 year olds, Dude.

In the Congo, local legends speak of the Dongola Miso, an inhuman beast with terrifying eyes that stalks the night, making off with children who dare to stay up past their bedtime. Meanwhile in London, a certain football club’s manager has had tales told of his penchant for stalking those not yet fully developed. Now, while it would of course be beneath me to make some crude joke as to his particular predilections as so many have before, I am nonetheless left to wonder why it is that certain sections of Arsenal’s support insist on employing a phrase such as “Up the Arse!” when it is quite nearly impossible for one to thereafter avoid conflating the two. So: Arsene Wenger on one hand. And the love that dare not speak its name for fear of being blacklisted by IT departments far and wide on the other. Is there any reason Arsenal fans should want to make a point of this?

Hmmm. Now that you mention it, I believe in my younger days I may have seen an adult film called “Dongola Miso”… Wait, where were we–oh yeah, that phrase. Eh, it is a bit unfortunate, but I don’t think that many Arsenal fans actually still use it–I certainly don’t see it in the comments or on Twitter all that often. I think Come on Arsenal, or Come on You Gunners, or Fuck Manuel Almunia, has largely replaced it.

“Fuck Manuel Almunia.” How quaint. Anyhow: Andrei Arshavin. He’s either the world’s most beloved misogynist midget, or he’s the world’s most beloved three-month old baby with giantism who can miraculously play football and could have a non-ironic conversation with Borat. Either way, he really only seems to perform against Liverpool. Or at least that was the case in the past, when he seemed at least competent against much of the rest of the league. With many considering him somewhat less than that recently, should we still be terrified that he’ll score a hat-trick on Sunday before making weird facial expressions that suggest he’s either exceptionally happy or needs to have his diaper changed?

It’s weird. I’ve said for the past couple of years that Arshavin is one of my least-favorite players on the current Arsenal team, because he doesn’t work hard, doesn’t track back, doesn’t run much when he doesn’t have the ball, etc. But a funny thing has happened over the past couple of months–while you still won’t see him go on many gut-busting runs the length of the pitch, I think he’s actually been quietly pretty effective away from the ball lately. And ironically, his finishing has been pretty shit during that time. But he does lead the team in assists, and only Nani has more Premiership assists than Arshavin this year. And he does have history on his side against Liverpool. A hat trick would be pretty stunning, but I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if he carved open the defense with a couple of brilliant passes.

He can hear you talking about him.

There have been growing rumours that Arsene Wenger could find himself out of the manger’s job soon, as though he were a police officer or military commander who couldn’t quite cut it in the field and so found himself promoted to a nice little pay packet at a comfortable desk instead. Is there a chance this could actually happen should Arsenal again end the year trophyless?

No. Your question presupposes that failing to win trophies is a fireable offense at Arsenal. Which presupposes that the board of directors’ primary goal is to win trophies. And I’m just not sure that’s the case. Much to the chagrin of many Arsenal fans, I think the board may be perfectly happy by being competitive in a number of competitions, and to keep cashing the Champions League TV checks and turning a profit, which Wenger has never failed to do. And by all accounts he has a great relationship with the board, so I just don’t see it happening. And frankly, although I’m not sure what fans think really matters that much, I think the discontent with Wenger has mainly been a vocal minority. I think most people still definitely are on board with him and want him to continue, although I doubt many people are still blind to some very real flaws that he has as a manager.

In the mid 19th-century, classically trained French chefs introduced both beef and western cooking techniques to what had before then been an exceptionally insular Japanese culinary tradition. One of the most lasting impressions was made by the French chef’s knife, a multi-purpose tool that could do many tasks nearly as well as the dozens of specialty knives Japanese chefs spent a lifetime mastering the use of. Combined with creeping industrialisation and the growth of a middle class, this multi-purpose knife was seen to have great potential for a new class of Japanese housewife who would have neither the time, money, nor ability to utilise the myriad traditional Japanese knives but would also have more need to prepare complex dishes than those in the lower classes. However, the French chef’s knife was still seen as dauntingly large for a housewife, and perhaps worse for the still largely xenophobic culture it was foriegn. The end result was the creation of a knife that combined the French blade with the pattern of a Japanese vegetable knife to create a new single multi-purpose tool. It was a poor compromise that didn’t multi-task as well as the French knife or deal with vegetables as well as its Japanese predecessor, largely created to serve a market while satisfying concerns that had nothing to do with its actual utility as a kitchen tool. While it is today largely shunned by serious cooks in Japan and unheard of in professional kitchens, in recent years this knife has been pushed on a Western audience by celebrity chefs marketing a cute and approachable knife primarily to women and not worried about its actual utility as a kitchen tool, happy just to make money selling impractical Santokus to people who mostly don’t understand they’re buying a sub-par compromise whose raison d’être would likely have Andrei Arshavin nodding along.

Anyhow, is there much chance the FA, English national team, and London media will ever understand Jack Wilshire?

Is Jack supposed to be the inferior knife? Anyway, um… we love Jack. Jack is awesome. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s been our best player this season, but he has been awfully close, and I think what is going to make him such a star isn’t his talent or skills–although he has both in spades–but his attitude. I’ve said over and over again this season that if we had 10 more players with Jack’s attitude/mindset, we would never lose a game. And I believe it. More than any other player on the team, he leaves everything he has on the pitch every game, and you can just tell that losing really eats away at him. His game is still far from perfect–he doesn’t shoot enough, he is still prone to sloppy, dangerous tackles–and he has no fear of 50/50 tackles and it’s a miracle he hasn’t gotten badly hurt from that yet. But I really do think he may turn into the English Pirlo, and he’ll be a fixture at Arsenal–and captain someday–for a long, long time.

fabio capello bathing suit beach england

Coach. Mentor.
Molder of England.

As for whether he’ll be understood–well, I’m not sure the FA, the English national team, or the media ever will understand him. I’m not sure we really understand him–coming up, I think everyone thought he was the long-term heir to the advanced playmaker/support striker role which Cesc fills now. But his tenacity actually works so well in a deeper position where he can fight for, and win, more balls off the opposition, and his pace and hustle allow him to join the attack without getting caught too far out of position, that I do think he might be best served long-term in a deep-lying playmaker role. But I certainly don’t think you want to deploy him like Capello has where he is the lone deep-lying midfielder and has all the responsibility for shielding the backline, because that’s not really his game and squanders so much of his talent.

I think the all heart and hustle and not a brain cell in sight 4-4-2 midfielder so beloved of the English footballing establishment was the inferior knife. And the media were the idiots trying to shovel shit on the public while pretending it’s gold. Though I do suppose that one is rather open to interpretation.

In any case, given that Arsenal has so far choked against Birmingham and had all the backbone of a wet rag whilst dropping out of the FA cup against United, not to mention managing all of 7% possession against Barcelona at Camp Nou after teasing supporters with a strong first leg in the Champions League, and on top of all that recently managed three straight lifeless draws in the league to effectively hand the title to United… Well, is it fair to expect Arsenal won’t be bothered showing up against Liverpool on Sunday? Or have we reached the point where the pressure’s off, the title’s out of reach, and the Gunners will make a valiant late stand to give all the fans hope for next season?

I’m surprised that a Liverpool fan is so eager to hand Manchester United their 19th league title, Noel. It seems to me that the sensible thing, since Liverpool has very little to play for, would be for you guys to roll over and not show up on Sunday, so we can win and use that momentum to go on, win our match in hand, and be confident and in good form when we host Manchester United. We beat them in that match, then we’re just 1 match in hand with all the momentum. Hey, stop laughing–it could happen! But we have to beat you guys first–why wouldn’t you want to help us out here? If you do, and win the trophy, we’ll send you a fruit basket or something.

In all seriousness, I don’t really know what to expect–this is the time when we pretty much completely packed it in and stopped playing last season, and we have been dreadful since beating Barcelona two months ago. Hopefully getting Szczesny and Djourou back will be a big boost, and we can raise our games against you guys, because I know you’ve been playing quite well lately, and will give us a test. Hope it’s a good match, and they entertain us. Best of luck to you–while I could not match your wit, I very much enjoyed this question exchange. I’ve always had a soft spot for Liverpool and, aside from Sunday, hope you guys have a strong finish to the rest of the season.

Kind of you to say, though I do believe some would insist that wit is just a nice way to say “pompous jackass.” Even then, it’s largely down to a strict drug regimen and as such owes a greater debt to my various doctors than it does to any natural talent. In any case, it was good to get a respected Arsenal take on matters, and let’s all hope you manage to somehow take the title this season. Even if I could never see clear to hoping for a Liverpool loss in the match ahead and will be baying as loud as anyone for blood and victory.

And I suppose that wraps up another inscrutable edition of Tea and Crumpets, though for those who just can’t get enough–and I do know that that means you–my return engagement is up for your perusal over on The Arsenal Offside.

Some Related Liverpool Posts:Tea and Crumpets with Surreal FootballTea and Crumpets with the Everton OffsideFebruary! Winning! Substance Abuse!Tea and Crumpets with All Action No PlotFrom London With Love

Category: Premier League, Special Features

Tags: Andrei Arshavin, Arsenal, Arsene Wenger, Batshit Crazy Ramblings, I Can't Feel My Face, Jack Wilshire, Just Lay Back And Think Of England, Manchester United, Noel's really a bit of a dick, Potentially Foolish Ideas, Premier League, Special Features, Tea and Crumpets, Thankless Tasks, This Will End In Tears
Tweet « New Away Kit Revealed, Debut Goals, and Other Thursday Notes | Home | AvinashNice take on the keeper question on that blog. :D (Have been a reader for almot an year, Just started Commenting.)NoelGood to have your around, commenting or otherwise.MartinReally enjoyed it, Noel, your questions were great and thanks so much for reciprocating over at our site. It was a really fun back and forth. And thanks for calling me "respected."

The only part I found offensive was the implication that I would eat foie gras. Duck liberation now!NoelWell, to be fair I don't have a whole lot of say in the matter, as all I can do is Google a stadium's food and pick the most obnoxiously exclusive items on offer.

It was fun in any case.MartinI hadn't bothered to look at the link, but up until today I had no idea they served foie gras at the Emirates. For some reason I find this way more offensive than the Silvestre signing. You have fulfilled your educational quotient for the day, good sir.blog comments powered by Disqus

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Thursday, 14 April 2011

10 Questions with the Liverpool Offside

Tea and Crumpets with The Arsenal Offside